Young Writers Society

Thanks! I really like Steph Meyer, too!

I owe you a review. I'll try to get around to it sometime soon. 0_0;

I liked it!!! I can't wait to hear what happens to Aslina!!!

On the other hand, I have to agree with the above reviewer A LITTLE BIT. I read te other chapters and I liked them, but it does seem to speed along at a breakneck pace. Personally, I like this, but it really only works in movie and/or short stories. I'm absolutely certain that you can slow this down, just because of how much fantastic content you have.

I don't exactly agree with Chern when she said you should add more about Lins 'friends'. I think you should have more introspection. What does Lins like and what does she remember that she was doing yesterday that was SOOOO different from this? Does she think it's funny that she never would have imagined being lost in a forest with a talking wolf only 35 hours ago or whatever?

I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes and I like your writing style. It isn't cliche but it kind of reminds me of Stephenie Meyer a little bit. (My fave author!!!!)

PM when you write more!!! I wanna know what happens!!!!

I liked the main idea and that dream was most CERTAINLY interesting. Want to know more about that...

You need to put the dream in italics, it's extremely confusing if you don't.

There really wasn't anything technically wrong so I suppose we can move on to more important things.

Your stories often have a problem slowing down. It may be your obsession with cliffhangers although I wouldn't go so far as to say that was the ONLY reason. You simply cannot have a story that never has any downtime. That is actually one of the few reasons that I told you to begin at the party before they all get in the car. Or, have them drive to a Denny's and hang out there for a while before crashing their car into a cement truck. You really need to slow down.

Also, the whole, 'stalking' thing cannot last forever. And yet you base the whole story off of a plot that consists of 'capture, escape, capture, escape.' I would like to see the other characters. Did Chris and Tamie die in the crash? If not, you should bring them in and make their annoying relationship part of the story. What about Jason? I liked him alot and then you just get rid of him and bring in 'parasites' and talking wolves. Again, slow down.

What you probably should do is have her wake up in the forest, find her friends - at least some of them - and then go wandering around together trying to get out. Of course, after a little while, perhaps we could have those creepy guys show up, bring in the dream...MAYBE leave out the talking wolf. Just my opinion.

And so, as usual, I like the idea, it just goes too fast. I find Delys and Lathos interesting and I think we could develop their characters more, like I said before. And now that we have that weird dream, Aslina is more intriguing...etc.

SLOW DOWN. Tell me when you fix it.